Baby...look at you now!

I find it so funny to look at old pictures of Mattie (like 2 months old, ha ha) and then take a picture of her now and look at it. What a difference! So I will attach some of the photo's from this week. Enjoy.

Visit in the works

Hey guys down in Rochester...
It looks like we will be coming down there Thursday night and leaving Saturday afternoon. Anyone who wants to catch up...let me know. :)

A mothers intuition

Call it a mothers intuition, but I was right. Mattie's evaluation today did show that she needs to seek further help with her arms/shoulder. The evaluator will come back next week with a Physical Therapist, and then they will make their recommendations on what our next steps will be. She thought that Mattie will need to be seen by an Orthopedic specialist. My homework is to get Mattie a pediatrician, not a family practitioner like I have her going to now. Which is easier said than done because their is slim pickings for Pediatricians around here. Good thing I quit the job at the Day Care because next week I will have a lot of running around to do. But anything for Mattie, she is my number one priority right now. The evaluator did say that she is a sharp cookie in every other department. But then again....we all knew that, didn't we? ha ha ha
Hopefully I can find my camera stuff this weekend as we continue to unload our boxes, I am going through picture withdrawals.

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

Guess who is rolling over now and who has become quite the little pro? This weekend, amidst her vomiting and GI bug problems...Mattie decided she was going to try rolling over for the first time. She did it 2 times in a row. Then nothing for a couple of days. Today, she has done it 7 times. Whenever you put her on her back she grabs her toes, then rolls to one side or the other, and after a minute or two of a lot of grunting and growing, she lifts the noggin off the floor and TA DA, we have a roller. She looks at you like ha ha ha, look what I can do, and you can't. She really has this look of accomplishment on her face when she does it, its so cute! So she is coming a long...slow but steady wins the race.
Once I get my camera and all its' fixings unpacked, I will download some pictures to share. Have a great night...bundle up...its about to get Arctic in the North Country!

The best thing I have read in a long time

My dear friend Lisa sent me this email, and also posted this article on her blog. Please take 5 minutes to read this, it truly is one of the most important thing I have read lately. After the article, read my vow to I wrote to Lisa and told to myself. I am going to hold myself to it!

On Being A Parentby Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist and Author
If not for the photographs, I might have a hard timebelieving they ever existed. The pensive infant withthe swipe of dark bangs and the black button eyes of aRaggedy Andy doll. The placid baby with the yellowringlets and the high piping voice. The sturdy toddlerwith the lower lip that curled into an apostropheabove her chin.All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrowbut in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what Ihave today: threealmost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing infast. Three people who read the same books I do andhave learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with mein their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgarjokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, whoneed razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who wantto keep their doors closed more than I like. Who,miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jacketsand move food from plate to mouth all by themselves.Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with arubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deepwithin each, barely discernible except through theunreliable haze of the past.Everything in all the books I once pored over isfinished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. BerryBrazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry andsleeping through the night and early-childhoodeducation, all grown obsolete. Along with GoodnightMoon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered,spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flippedthe pages dust would rise like memories.What those books taught me, finally, and what thewomen on the playground taught me, and thewell-meaning relations taught me, was that theycouldn't really teach me very much at all.Raising children is presented at first as a true-falsetest, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, faralong, you realize that it is an endless essay. No oneknows anything. One child responds well to positivereinforcement, another can be managed only with astern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trainedat 3, his sibling at 2.When my first child was born, parents were told to putbaby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke onhis own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babieswere put down on their backs because of research onsudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent thisever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and thensoothing.Eventually you must learn to trust yourself.Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderfulbooks on child development, in which he describesthree different sorts of infants: average, quiet, andactive. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an18-month old who did not walk. Was there somethingwrong with his fat little legs? Was there somethingwrong with his tiny little mind? Was hedevelopmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was Iinsane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goesto college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.Every part of raising children is humbling, too.Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all beenenshrined in the, "Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall ofFame." The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the badlanguage, mine, not theirs. The times the baby felloff the bed. The times I arrived late for preschoolpickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summercamp. The day when the youngest came barreling out ofthe classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and Iresponded, What did you get wrong? (She insisted Iinclude that.) The time I ordered food at theMcDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove awaywithout picking it up from the window. (They allinsisted I include that.) I did not allow them towatch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What wasI thinking?But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most ofus make while doing this. I did not live in the momentenough. This is particularly clear now that the momentis gone, captured only in photographs.There is one picture of the three of them, sitting inthe grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set ona summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I couldremember what we ate, and what we talked about, andhow they sounded, and how they looked when they sleptthat night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry toget on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. Iwish I had treasured the doing a little more and thegetting it done a little less.Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't,what was me and what was simply life. When they werevery small, I suppose I thought someday they wouldbecome who they were because of what I'd done. Now Isuspect they simply grew into their true selvesbecause they demanded in a thousand ways that I backoff and let them be.The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense,matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. Andlook how it all turned out. I wound up with the threepeople I like best in the world, who have done morethan anyone to excavate my essential humanity.That's what the books never told me. I was bound anddetermined to learn from the experts. It just took mea while to figure out who the experts were....

Lisa, How damn true is that? That gave me goosebumps. I already have regreted not taking the time to live in the now with Mattie. Especially with this arm thing. I just wish her day away, thinking tomorrow will bring along a better day, one where she will be using her arms like a "normal" baby, instead of treasuring how she learned how to growl, or how she clears her throat like my dad because he does it all the time around her. I vow that starting today, I will not wish her days, or her minutes away, and will stop to count her fingers and her toes some more. Thank you for this, and I hope you don't mind, but I am going to post this on my blog too!
2:43 AM

There's no place like home...There's no place like home

Dorthy said it best, there really is no place like home. It is so strange to be back home, after a 8 year absence. The smell, feel, look...everything tells me I am home. I have to tell myself that one day once Scott and I get our own place, I will make it feel just the same.
Can I just tell you how much shit, and I use that term loosely, that we have? I rented a 26 foot moving van, which should have more than done it, to move us. Hell no. My dad's truck, Scott's car, and my Escape all got crammed full of stuff, and I still had to leave stuff behind. I can't believe it. NO MORE RENTING, ONLY BUYING A HOUSE=ONLY HAVING TO MOVE 1 MORE TIME! Gosh, I hate moving almost as much as I hate doing dishes. And for those who know me, they know that is pretty bad!
The move went well. We have returned the truck. My poor parents who are both ill were quite the troopers make the trip there, pack up, drive back, and unpack all in one day. We still had stuff to unpack this morning, but most was done. So the basement looks like a Walmart warehouse or something equivalent to it. Its such a pain to live out of boxes, but it will be so worth it!
Mattie is adjusting to Nana and Papa's house quite well. I am sure she is just thinking its a weekend thing or something. She really does well with change, who she gets that from, beats the hell out of me.
Scott went to bed at 8:30, trying to rest up for his first day of work tomorrow. I know he must be nervous. He will do fine. I stayed up and tried to clean the house as much as I could, so we don't get the boot. :) The computer room looks like a tornado went through it because its got all of Mattie's stuff in it, but that will get taken care of tomorrow. I will just peck away at thing one box by box, and it will get done. I already have to take a trip back down to Watertown to Aunt Bonnie's because they unloaded all of Mattie's clothes there. See what happens when I don't go with them to unload? ha ha ha I can't complain, they did a great job.
Well, I am going to go try to get some sleep. Scott and I usually sleep on a king sized bed, and we have now condensed to a double until we get our own place. OMG...this will be my own little hell. I love my big bed, and hate having someone touching me in my sleep. I need my room!!!!!!! ha ha ha
Oh, and did I mention how frigging cold it is here? It didn't get above 0 today! All you whiners back in Rochester can kiss my big butt when you say its too cold. You haven't felt nothing until you come up my way baby. Your nostrils freeze together when you try to breath out there tonight.
I will write more tomorrow. Miss all of you back down in Rochester...Love you all!

"Sometimes you wanna go...Where everybody knows your name......."

I only have one day left in Rochester and I still have our whole upstairs to pack. So many things run through my mind today. I am trying to stay focused to think about my longterm goal. Short term goals are a little scary at the moment. On my way into work I heard this song that made things seem a lot clearer. I wish that I could play a soundclip on here so you could hear how pretty the song is, but instead, I have the words for you to view. It sums up my feelings at the moment, and some sort of justification for our leaving. I hope that Mattie one day will have the same sense of smalltown love that I felt growing up. If anyone gets the chance...try to go online and listen to the song.

Quiet Town

By: Josh Rouse
I know somewhere there is a party going down

Interesting people, conversation to be found

I've lived in cities where there is no solitude

Made some friends here that I hope I'll never lose

But for now I want to stay in this quiet town

The neighbors on my block they've got stories to tell

This is the grocery where once was a hotel

And Mr. Driscoll he just stands there with his smile

Inviting everyone he sees to come inside

This is the life, I want to live in a quiet town

Ooh sometimes I miss the show...I loved a long time ago
Ooh sometimes I miss the show...I loved a long time ago

Come Sunday morning there's a market on the square

Children are playing, bells are ringing in the air

Old men are drinking, it's a lazy afternoon

Content with thinking that there is nothing to do

So for now I'm going to stay in this quiet town

In this quiet town

In this quiet town

Rock on sister, rock on!

I just had to post this picture that my friend and co-worker Jim sent me. I think he knew I needed a good laugh this week. And boy, does this make you want to laugh, or cry, I am not sure. I just hope that Mattie doesn't want to follow after her mommy and get some tats and get a whole through her tongue. Who knows though, by the time she is old enough, I am sure the things I did will be minor compared to what they will be doing. Did my parents ever think of putting a rod through their tongues? So I wonder if I will ever say "Did I ever think if putting a rod through my cranium"? :)

What's all the ups without one huge down?

Mattie went for her 6 month check up since we won't be here next Thursday for her appointment. They said her weight, height and head size were all great. They are concerend with her arms, she isn't reaching out to grab things like she should, and is constantly putting them behind her. So I had to schedule an appointment with Early Intervention, and they have to do an evaluation on her. And she isn't sitting up or rolling over, so they are getting worried about that. I said a lot has to do with her not being on her belly that much because of the reflux, but they don't think that is quite it. So you know me, the world will be on edge until we meet with them next Friday. My cousins have some form of muscular weakness in their arms too, so I am worrying that this may be the case. I am trying not to spaz about it, but you all know how I am. I just don't want her to suffer or be in any pain. Its a mommy thing. :) They also said her head is misshapen from being on her back, they wanted to have her seen by a specialist but I said I don't care about that right now, hair can cover up a flatspot, I am worried about her arms. My mom and Aunts are being super supportive and trying to assure me that things will be fine, and that there is a reason that we are moving up there and that I will be with Mattie 24/7 now. That she will get all the care she needs. I know that is the truth, things happen for a reason. I just prayed so hard last night that the evaluation would say she is just being lazy (ughh... I am so sick of hearing that, but it would be better than the alternative). It just makes me so mad that I have said for the past 4 months that something isn't right with her arms, and they are just now looking into it. I know, I know...they have to give her time to develope. Its mothers intuition though. I love Mattie, and not matter what her prognosis is, we all will help her. Just pray for her that its something minor and that I am getting worried over nothing. I guess in the back of my mind I keep thinking about Scott's family's life with his autistic brother, and how they have told me how hard it was watching Brian not do things the other kids were doing. But I also see the twinkle in their eyes when they speak about him, and the joy he brought to their lives in the short time he way here. I know that Scott and I will be able to help her just like his parents helped Brian.

Alright...the venting is now done. Thanks!

Times Are A Changin'

It has been a couple of weeks since I posted a blog, so excuse me if I get a little long-winded. I have so much to share, and finally a second to share it. Mattie's Christmas was all that I could have imagined and more. She loved her presents, and as it usually winds up, the cheaper the present, the more fun she had with it. She loved the little "Chicitas" that I got her, she shakes them like crazy. Mattie stayed up until 3:30 am Christmas morning because she had to make sure she didn't miss one little iota of fun at the Lomoglio's. She outlasted all of the kids, and even got to stay up to open her presents. She was a good little girl for the Christmas day celebration at Grandma Sheila's too, which we were amazed since Scott and I were drop-dead tired, yet she kept going. We got good news that Scott's cousin Michelle is expecting a baby sometime next summer, so Mattie will have yet another playmate.

Zayne and my dad came down on the 27th for a wrestling match, which Scott attended too. They had a ball, and Zayne stayed down a couple extra days since he was on vacation from school. Christmas at my moms was over the top as usual. We always buy too much, and get too much. Hey, we only get spoiled once a year. I got a great new sewing machine, some gift certificates, lots of stuff for Mattie. Yet, my favorite gift came from Scott this year. The Friday after Christmas we got the best news. Scott got the job up north working for the state. I can't begin to tell you how long we have waited for a job opening up there. And since Mattie was born, I would have killed someone, anyone, just to get the opportunity. Scott loves the fact that now he will be working days (5am to 1:30pm) and we will actually be able to do things as a family again. Yet, we are so sad to leave all of our family and friends behind in Rochester. I know that they will all understand that this is something that we have to do for no only ourselves, but for Mattie also. We would never be able to afford the kind of life we want here in Rochester. We know this is going to be a huge transition, and I have to learn to be even more patient with Scott because he is sacrificing so much to move up there, start a new job, and leave his comfort zone completely. He already is homesick, and we haven't left. Its the anxiety, I know it is, and we as a family will get through it. He will do great at this new job, he puts himself into anything he tries.

So along with this great news...came great stress. Now what about a job for me? We always said if Scott got a job up there, he would take it. Then Mattie and I would follow as soon as I got a transfer to the Canton office, or got another job. That was still our plan until we thought about the logistics, and it wasn't feasible for Mattie and I to stay down here (especially since our crazy neighbor Laurie is still living next to us). So now what? There isn't anything open right now to transfer to with ATL, so I have to resign. OMG...what am I going to do? And then this little light of hope shined upon us. My sister sent me an email about a part-time daycare giver position available. I too had seen this and skipped over it because I thought that I needed full time. But I called anyways. I got a call back the next day. Comes to find out that I would be working for my Senior Class Advisor who opened a daycare so she could have adequate care for her little son. She wanted to meet with me and just so happened to be in the area. Today she came to my house-of-boxing-horror, and we got a chance to talk about the position. She was looking for a year and a half commitment from me because she would have to invest a lot of money into certifying me. I have no problem with that. I did flinch at the pay rate, and that it is only part time but she did say that the more kids she picks up, I should be able to pick-up more hours. But what is best of all is that Mattie comes with me. Its like being a stay at home mom, but not. It will be great because she will get some structure, get to meet new friends, and yet, not have to be too far from me. That totally outweighs the short hours and pay. I am so excited. I think that this is going to be a great change. Not just for me, but for all three of us.

The next 2 weeks are going to be super stressful, with the packing up of our cute townhouse, and moving into my parents basement until we can get a house. I know it will all be worth it. Did I tell everyone how excited I am? :)